See. Hear. Feel.

After my last post I decided to browse around Friendster just because I had some free time to burn. While browsing I came across my ex’s page. I didn’t wanna look around because it took me so much time to get closure over her and I just don’t wanna go through that stage again in my life right now..

But then curiosity kicked in. She seemed so beautiful on the photo she chose for the page and I guess I just missed her so much. So much that I clicked on her link and started browsing around. Apparently the old saying was right, “Curiosity killed the cat”.. In this case, I WAS that cat..

On her page was her pre-wedding photos with her soon-to-be.. I didn’t dare to look as I was too affraid, I guess.. Of what? I still don’t know. I’ve been asking that myself these past couple of hours.

The photos killed me instantly. It was as if I was paralyzed. A life paradox I’ve stopped realizing a while back. A paradox I didn’t want to be a part of anymore. A paradox I had to excruciatingly run away from and try to forget.

It hurts. It really does.. I loved her. I loved her still I guess..

Her voice..can’t I just be given a moment to not hear them?! Not see her figure penetrating through the cold darkness everytime I try to close these eyes wide shut! Realizing that these hands may not feel her skin once more..

Have you ever cried so hard that you didn’t shed a single tear?

It hurts. It really does..

Some of you who read this may think that I exxagerated all this.

I don’t.

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